Staying Who You Are
by Ms Marvel Dixon
Summary: Being a doctor during an outbreak can be very useful, unless you're Lillian Harper. Being stranded in Atlanta with only a knife and a good sense of direction, she has to rely on everything she learned from surviving her childhood. Her friends are all dead, her patients flesh eating monsters, and left to die by her husband, how else can Lillian's life get anymore difficult?
1. Chapter 1

_Hello there! I know I have like three other stories going but this one just popped up so I thought maybe someone would like it. I have about three chapters planned out after this but if I keep going I'm gonna have to make sure someone is reading... so if you like it, please leave a review. Just tell me what you think... it would be much appreciated! _

_Cheers xoxo_

* * *

You always suspect Doctors come from the better parts of town. Where the schools are good and the people have money. You never really suspect one that comes straight off the farm to be worth anything. That was until Atlanta General hired Lillian Harper.

Top of her class, quick with important decisions, and she could fire back at anyone before they dared to insult her. She had one of the more distinct southern drawls that when you heard it you just knew she was not from the city. She was a normal sized women, she was defiantly not jumping off any magazine cover, she had curves and she owned them. Her short curly brown hair always pulled back in a bun or pony tail and the bare minimum of make up made her look more natural.

She worked her ass off every day to get to where she was now. She had come from a poor part of town. Worked on a farm most of her life and then one day decided it was worth the debt to leave. Her family didn't miss her and the two friends she had left her and never spoke to her again. When she finally made it to a hospital people looked down on her and talked to her like she was an idiot. It took a while for her to learn to live with the people she worked with. But it only took a week for people to realize who they were dealing with.

Lillian was smart, there was no question there it was her problem with authority that made her less likely to move up in her career. She simply hated being told what to do. It was in her nature to talk back or correct people when they were wrong. So that's what she did no matter who was speaking to her. Somehow, despite all her faults she made it head of surgery and she was very good at her job.

Her attitude usually turned guys away and any friends she had long since forgotten about her. She spent her nights reading or taking overtime shifts at the hospital. Soon that hospital became her life. It was easy for her to get up and go to work. She got to help people for a living, why wouldn't she love it?

But it wasn't long before she met her match. His name was Steven Richards. He was tall, kind, strong frame, and was just as stubborn as Lillian. They had met in med school and hit it off, but once the graduated they both went off to do their own thing. Lillian had just become head of her department when they hired a new doctor to be her boss. And of course it was just her luck that it was Steven. They went out a few times just as a casual think until Steven wanted something more real. Lillian had never really believed in love and marriage but when Steven asked her to be his actual girlfriend and move in with him she just couldn't say no. She didn't want to either. She did like Steven and didn't want to ruin the good thing they had.

Months turned into three years and when Steven asked Lillian to marry her she figured she might as well. She always felt guilty for not loving Steven as much as he loved her but in her stupid confused mind her heart was stolen by her best friend. It had been years since she last saw him but for some dumb reason she knew her heart would always belong to that loud mouth, moody, redneck Daryl Dixon. Who over time she had now grown to hate.

She had known Daryl for a long time and he always seemed to just be there right when she needed him. He was a bit rough around the edges, didn't say much, and often didn't seem to care but she knew the real Daryl. The one who had saved her life when she was 15, the one who had made her feel important, and the one who wanted to them to run away together and get away from the crappy life they led. But his older brother Merle had a huge impact on Daryl and that was a fight Lillian would never win.

Merle never did like how soft his brother could be and hated how Lillian brought out the kinder side of Daryl. Merle had threatened Lillian many times but she ignored him. As time went on and Merle watched his brother fall harder and harder for Lillian he knew it was only a matter of time before he lost his little brother.

Lillian and Daryl had never actually dated or told each other how they felt but it was like everyone else knew. They just spent all their free time together. They were teenagers, they didn't exactly plan on spending their lives together. But on some level they wanted to. Merle never liked that.

They were both about 18 when they last saw each other. Merle had wanted to leave and move somewhere far from their abusive home and Daryl wanted nothing more than to go with his brother but he had asked Lillian to come with them. By that time she hadn't told anyone she applied to college and was going to be a doctor someday. Lillian asked Daryl to come with her and let Merle do what he wanted. She told Daryl that she loved him and wanted to be together but they couldn't do that if he went with Merle. But Daryl being the loyal brother that he is, went with Merle. Lillian knew that Daryl was angry at her for not telling him what she wanted earlier and for asking him to choose between his friend or his brother. So in a fit of anger he left, didn't so much as say good-bye.

A few months had gone by before Lillian got any word that Daryl or Merle were alright. It was just before she left for college. She got an envelope in the mail. Small, simple and white with her name written quickly on the cover. When she opened it out slid a silver chain with a pendent attached. It was a small but beautiful Orca Whale. Lillian knew Daryl had sent it because no one else knew how much she loved Orcas. It was like his apology, and even though she was still so mad at Daryl she wore it all the time.

As time went on Lillian thought less and less about the Dixon brothers but still put on the Orca necklace everyday. It had just become a force of habit. Once her and Steven got married she kept it in her jewelry box hidden from Steven. She never told him where it came from so she didn't need to hide it but she did out of guilt.

Lillian and Steven were married for three years and she was pretty happy. They didn't have kids but they didn't hate each other so it wasn't a terrible life. Days just got easier as time went on and she grew to really care for Steven. She was alright with spending her life with him.

"Dr. Harper to ER... Dr. Harper to ER." The system paged Lillian and she had no idea that was the page that dramatically changed her life.

She had been on break and was taking a quick nap before she had to get to a surgery and when the voice woke her she ran quickly to the ER. Just as she got there the ambulance was blaring it's sirens and a few nurses rushed to meet the paramedics.

"What do we got?" Lillian demanded right away.

"30-year-old male, gun shot to the chest, heartbeat fading quickly." A paramedic answered as he straddled the man and was beating on his chest to get his heart pumping right.

"Get him to OR." Lillian wasted no time as she rushed to get herself ready. When she got to the OR they had everything ready for her but she was low on time. She could hear the man's heart slowly fading and he was no longer breathing on his own. "Bullet did some major damage..." She sighed as she went to work. "What was this guy doing?" She asked as she tried to stop the bleeding by closing up some of the holes.

"He a small town cop. Call on the radio came in, three guys having a shoot off with the police. No one say the fourth guy." One of the nurses filled her in.

"Well if this guy makes it, he is gonna be a hero." Lillian sighed as she quickly wiped her forehead with her arm. "He's gonna need some blood..." She said as his heart started to spike. She only lost him one time and was able to shock his heart into the right rhythm as she repaired the damage. It was a long surgery and when she was finished she took a step back. "Alright..." She said as she closed her patient up and sighed. "He should be good. Get him to the ICU and I want him under surveillance for at least twenty-four hours." She ordered as she left the room taking the man's chart and rereading everything just to make sure she hadn't missed anything.

She sighed when she noticed he had a partner waiting for news and a family. Lillian always hated talking to the families of people she worked on. They always looked so sad no matter what news they were given. Kids were the worst. They were always crying and wives were always hysterical. Lillian took a deep breath as she headed over to the waiting area. She spotted the partner right away. He was tall, had thick black hair, wide shoulders, and was pacing back and forth with his uniform dotted with blood.

* * *

"Grimes?" I questioned walking into the waiting room. The partner, a skinny women with long brown hair, and a little boy looked up right away.

"Yes. Is my husband alive?" The women asked quickly. "Is he okay?

"I got him as soon as I could. Of course he is. Is he?" The partner added.

"Is my dad alive? Does he need blood! I can give him blood." The kid pushed past the other two and came right up to me.

I sighed with a small smile. "Don't worry you father has enough blood at the moment... but if he needs more I'll make sure to let you know." I nodded and he smiled.

"So he's okay?" The women asked again.

I looked at her and smiled. Her terrified look changed as soon as I smiled. "Your husbands injuries are extensive, there was a lot of blood loss and damage but he should be just fine." I nodded.

"Wait should?" The partner asked.

"Well like I said he lost a lot of blood. I did everything I could but he has fallen into a bit of a comma so I won't know if there was any damage to his functions until he wakes up." I informed the partner quickly. "He is in ICU right now and soon a nurse will come and bring you to him. He just needs some time." I reassured them.

"Thank you." The women smiled through her tears as she clutched her son and her chest. "Thank you so much." She said and threw her arms around me.

"Just doing my job Ma'am." I said lightly tapping her back.

The partner looked at me as the women pulled away. The women bent down and started talking to her son and hugged him. I gave them all a slight nod and started head off. "Wait..." the partner called out to her before I could leave. I turned quickly. "I didn't catch you name." he said.

"Dr. Lillian Harper." I nodded and he smiled.

"Shane Walsh..." He stuck out his hand and I shook it. "I and the whole damn King County Police department are so thankful for you have done Doc." He sighed looking over at the women and the boy.

"Well I was just doing my job." I nodded.

"I understand that, but thank you." Shane nodded and again and I couldn't help but smile at his relief.

"Well you're welcome. I'll be around to check on Mr. Grimes and if you have any questions just ask." I nodded. "I have other patients to tend to." I nodded to Shane and he smiled. He quickly turned and walked over to the family and they all hugged. As I watched how happy they all were I couldn't help but feel something pull at my heart. It was nothing I had ever felt before. I never usually connected with families of my patients but these people... just made me smile.

As time went on I found myself seeing the Grimes family and Shane a lot. It was like they never left Rick's side. I checked on him everyday and made sure he wasn't just fading away. Sure I was a busy doctor but there was just something about that family that made me care. As a doctor you can't get emotionally attached to your patients or else you would never make it past residence. But strangely enough I just really wanted Rick to pull through. I think Rick and his family were the first I had ever cared for.

As more times passed I was starting to fear for Rick. It had been almost a month and he had not woken up yet. Lori was getting antsy and Shane wouldn't stop asking what was wrong. Carl, the little boy was very calm. He would sit next to his father and just watched as his chest raised.

One afternoon in the middle of the week I walked in to check on Rick and I saw Carl laying next to him. "Carl?" I questioned and he jumped. "What are you doing here?" I asked. "Shouldn't you been in school?" I asked and he sighed.

"Couldn't concentrate." He sighed sliding off the bed. "Had a dream last night that my dad woke up and I wanted to see if it would come true." Carl sighed. "But it's not." He shrugged.

"You just gotta have a little more faith." I added as he sighed. I walked over and sat with him for a second. "You're dad he is fighting really hard." I smiled and nudged him. Carl let off a small smile as he looked up at me.

"Are you married Dr. Harper?" He asked and I nodded. "Kids?" He asked and I shook my head. "Well you would make a good mom I think." Carl nodded. It was quiet for a second and as I was about to get up and go call Lori, Carl spoke again. "You like whales?" he asked.

"What?" I asked looking down confused by the question.

"The whale on your necklace..." He pointed to my neck. I had forgotten that I had started to put that back on. The whole Grimes family just made me believe families could be happy that I wanted to remember what that felt like. So a few days ago I started wearing my necklace.

"Oh.." I smiled playing with it. "You know it's not just any whale." I smiled. "Orcas are incredible animals." I said and he turned and listened. "In some legends, Orcas were known to bring lost fishermen back to their tribes. And in other legends they are seen as the protector of mankind." I said and Carl smiled. "They are very smart animals but also very deadly. I think that's why they are my favourite. Kinda nice to be both feared and loved." I smiled.

"Kinda like my mom and dad?" He asked. "They love and that's good... But then when they fight..." He sighed.

"Well people fight, part of our nature really." I smiled. "But if I were you I wouldn't compare your mother to a whale... she might take offence." I said and Carl giggled. "I got some other patients to check on but I have to call your mom... alright?" I asked standing and Carl nodded. "I'll see you around Carl." I smiled and he smiled brightly at me.

That was the last time I saw Carl, or any of the Grimes family. A virus had started to spread through the hospital infecting people at alarming rates. People were getting sick and I was told by Steven and all the head bosses that visitors weren't be allowed in. Only way to stop the sickness from spreading was to keep the healthy out and the sick in. But then some of the staff started to get sick and as they started dying I finally saw what this sickness did. I almost didn't believe it before one of them tried to bite me.

I found my self running for my life down the halls of the hospital. I had just watched three nurses that I was sure were dead start walking around and go after the other staff. They were attacking people and tearing at them. It was like they turned cannibal within seconds. As I ran from the turned everything started to get out of control. Screaming, groaning, and then last was the gunfire. That was the worst.

The army had busted through our doors locked and loaded. They didn't care who they were shooting at they just shot everyone. No one was leaving alive. I watched from behind a desk as they lined up half the surviving staff and just shot them all in the head. Everyone I had ever talked to, and worked with just dead within seconds. I thought I was handling the situation well until people from the outside started coming in. Only they weren't people. They started going after to the army men and the gun fire continued.

I had no idea what to do so I hid in a small broom closet that locked from the inside. I could hear everything that was going on and everything I had just witness kept going through my head. I figured I would wait until the chaos died down. Then I would run home as fast as I could. I knew if Steven made it out of the hospital he would be there waiting for me.

I tried to steady my breathing as I crouched in the corner of the small room. I pulled my knees to my chin and slightly rocked back and forth just trying to get myself together. I had never felt panic like this before. I don't think I have ever been so scared. The screams and groans echoed for a few hours then all I could hear was chewing. I was trying my best not to throw up so I held my breath for a minute.

It was at least a day maybe two before I got the nerve to climb from that closet. There was a small cart in the closet that had a few scalpels and some scissors so I took those as weapons. I didn't want to have to kill anyone but if what I had witnessed was true, then if those things came at me and bit me I was dead. I took a deep breath as I slowly unlocked the door and pushed it open slowly. It was pretty dark but the emergency lights had kicked on so they lit my way to the front door.

Blood scattered the floors and splattered the walls. I was a surgeon and I had never seen so much blood. People littered the hall just with huge holes in their heads. All I'm sure were terrified when they died and I couldn't help them. I held my small weapons close to my chest as I walked down the hall trying not to look at the people on the floor.

I could see the Exit sign blinking just down the hall and a small sense of relief washed over me but that was quickly taken by panic once I heard the groans. They were in a group of about ten, stumbling past the front door just looking around. Some were missing limbs and one was missing her jaw. Their eyes were dark and clouded but their skin looked normal. I started to step back before they noticed me but once I tripped over one of the bodies in my path I was screwed.

"Shit..." I swore when they all turned and saw me. I could see the hunger in their eyes and I panicked. I let out a small scream as I started to crawl to my feet. By the time I started running they were chasing me and it was like every turn I took more of them came eat me. I screamed every time I saw more come at me. Now I was really running for my life. I had at least 20 of these freaks chasing me and I had run out of exists. "Damn it." I swore when I got to the stairs. I opened the door quickly and just bolted down the stairs two, three at a time.

I was out of breath once I reached the bottom. I paused for just a second to catch my breath but couldn't. Every time I breathed in another one of those things found me. I threw some of the scalpels at them and when the first one stuck to its chest it was like it didn't even feel it. The thing just kept coming. I took one last shot and thank god I had good aim when it came to knives because this on stuck right into its head and it dropped just inches from me. I took a second to look at it. He was just a young kid, skinny and covered in blood. His stomach was ripped open and again I tried not to throw up. I hadn't eaten in almost two days now so even if I did throw up nothing would happen.

That young kid was the first of those things I killed. I didn't feel good about it but once I knew a shot to the head worked like a charm I somehow felt like I could make it out of this epidemic alive. Getting out of that hospital was hard and I had almost died at least twice. When I finally opened the door the sun almost blinded me and the stench of rotting flesh alone nearly killed me.

I made it down the stairs before I saw the damage that had been done. The white body bags stood out against the dark choral of the cement. They were everywhere. Lined up and piled on top of each other. Each one bloody around the head. The smell was eating it's way into my mouth so I covered my face quickly. As I walked around the hospital grounds the body bags just started to multiply. There were dozens of trucks over stocked with dead people. I couldn't believe how quickly things had fallen apart.

* * *

I mentally thanked Steven for making us move closer to the hospital. Our small apartment building was deserted, hell the whole damn city had gone silent. It was weird to hear the birds squawk and not horns. I made it to our apartment to find it all but empty. Drawers were turn out, cupboards were open, and our photo album was missing. "Steven?" I called out quietly hoping he would be there. I shut the door once I heard a few groans. I barricaded myself inside. I ran into our bedroom again hoping to find my husband at least waiting for me, but instead I found a note. Just sitting neatly on the made up bed.

_Lillian,_

_I have no idea what is going on out here but all I know is that people are dying. I think you are dead too but just in case I thought I would leave you a note. I am leaving the city, there is supposed to be a refugee camp in Fort Benning. If you're alive please come find me. I'm sorry I couldn't find you but I had to get out of that hospital before I was killed. I ran as fast as I could... hope to see you one day._

_I'm sorry,_

_Love Steven._

"That son of a bitch." I swore ripping the note. He had actually left me in that hospital to die. "Whatever I never needed you anyways."

I started packing a bag of clothes, what ever food that was left, and the knife I hid under the mattress. I could hear scratching at the door and I looked out the window quickly. The streets were empty so I figured going down the fire escape would be a lot easier and somewhat safer.

Walking in the middle of the street with the smell of death surrounding you kinda changes your way of thinking. It had been less than 6 hours a since I left the hospital and I could already feel myself reverting back to my teenage years. I knew how people were and how they would react to all this. If there's survivors somewhere I knew damn well they weren't exactly going to be friendly. I knew no one was going to have my back and the only person I could depend on now was me, just like old times.


	2. Chapter 2

The first month wasn't as bad as I had thought. Sure it was long and I spent it alone but hey, I was still alive. I was heading out of the city when I was cut off by at least half the population. They were just roaming around the streets and as soon as you came within sight you were food in their dead eyes. That's how I came up with something to call them; Roamers.

I stayed in old apartment buildings, the higher the better. It was amazing what people left behind during a panic. Many of the grocery stores were cleared out but no one thought to stop at any of the hunting supplies stores. Guns, knives, bows, literally anything you could think of just left on the shelves. I only grabbed one gun with some ammunition, I had found out the hard way that sound attracts the roamers. I had a backpack full of blades and some bullets. Money wasn't exactly a currency anymore but a weapon could be traded for shelter.

I only ran into a few people who hadn't evacuated the city. They were usually younger people who didn't believe anything I told them. They thought that people were just sick and they didn't have to be afraid. That being said, none of the lasted very long. Another reason why I preferred to be alone. Having people around that can't defend themselves makes you weak. Having people you care about being torn apart in front of you makes you weak. Basically a lot of things makes you weak so why risk it? If that makes me cold, fine as long as I stay alive.

At first I had no intention on leaving the city until the roamers stated to build up around every corner. I couldn't even leave the apartment floor without running into a swarm. So I though it was time to leave. I packed everything I needed into one backpack, changed into some clean skinny jeans and a t-shirt, pulled my hair into a small ponytail and left the apartment building.

Mid summer in Atlanta is hot and that only made the smell worse. during the day the Roamers stayed to the allies and only came out if they heard you. So staying in the street and being as quiet as I could was all I could do. With a knife in hand and checking over my shoulder every few minutes it was quiet nice to get some air, even if it smelled like rotting flesh. It was quiet and all I could hear was the humming of the power lines. Then that was cut off by the sound of a car alarm. I jumped as it started to get closer. Soon ever roamer in the city was rushing toward the sound. I ran as fast as I could. I hid in a corner store.

"WOOOH!" A loud voice came from the car as it spend by the window. I managed to catch a quick glimpse at the young kid driving the red mustang with the blue baseball hat. He was Asian and from the look on his face that was the fastest and nicest car he had ever driven. He was followed by a box truck that quickly sped down the street. The alarm carried drawing all the Roamers from their hiding spots.

The groaning from outside had be distracted from the groaning just behind me. I felt a tug on my hair ad I quickly realized that I hadn't cleared the store before I hid. That damn kid got me stuck inside with at least a dozen roamers chomping their way toward me. I thought maybe I should run and catch up with the people in the box truck but they seemed reckless so why risk it.

I just barely fought my way out of that store. I was missing a few strands of my hair and my jeans were now ripped but I managed to avoid getting bit. I was tired and out of breath by the time I made it out. I paused for a second but soon I had to start running again when more of the roamers found me. "If I ever find that kid..." I swore as I pushed my way out of the ally.

It was like the rest of that day was spent running from roamers. I had tried to hid but they always found me quickly. The sun was going down when a very distraught voice came from one of he roof tops. "NO! SON OF...NO NO... HELP ME! CHRIST! SOMEONE HELP ME!" The voice called for help. As I walked closer to the department store the man's voice got more panicked. "JESUS PLEASE! HELP ME!" He called. I thought about leaving him up there, but as he called out for help I felt sorry for whoever he was.

"Son on a-" I cursed myself as I quickly made my way into the department store and found the stairs. As I got closer I could hear him start to plead and cry. He was loud and I'm sure roamers had found him by now.

"I AIN'T GONNA BEG!" Finally he stopped crying and as I neared the door there were three roamers pushing at the opposite door. Two ways off of a roof and one was cut off by roamers. I wondered why this man hadn't just found the other door like I had but then I saw it. He was handcuffed to one of the pipes. He was laying on the ground yelling to him self when suddenly he sat up and started to pull on the pipe and the handcuff. Then I saw his face.

"You have got to be kidding me." I said when I opened the door and he looked at me. He was very red, angry, and a bit older then the last time I saw him sure enough if was him. "Merle?" I questioned and his narrowed eyes grew a bit. Just my luck.

"Do I know you girly?" he asked in a raspy voice as I walked past him and killed the roamers pushing on the other door. I rolled my eyes as I walked back over to him.

"How long you been up here?" I asked as I looked at him and his eyes looked me over. "Who cuffed you?" I asked before he answered my last question. I looked up at him and it looked like he was gonna pass out. "Hey!" I snapped my fingers in his face and he looked up, his eyes rolling back. I quickly got a bottle of water and poured some over his head and he woke up quickly.

"Ah!" He yelled snapping his head to me. He lifted his leg and kicked me in the stomach. "Who the hell are you!" He yelled.

The wind was literally kicked from me as I tried to sit up. "Someone who is trying to help you.. Jack ass." I swore once I got my breath back.

"Oh shit..." He started to laugh once he had finished looking me over again. "If it ain't lil miss Harper." He laughed. "All grown up I see." He winked as I splashed him with more water. "Damn fine too." he winked.

"You're a pig." I smiled sarcastically at him. "How long have you been up here?" I asked.

"Jerk off cuffed me like a damn animal like 7 hours ago." He rolled his eyes.

"Who did?" I asked looking over his bloody wrist.

"Don't matter." He shrugged pulling his hand away from me. "What are you doing up here?" he asked.

"Well I heard this poor guy yelling for help... if I knew it was you I would have kept walking." I sighed.

"Bitch." He swore at me.

"Brute." I smiled.

"You gonna get me outta this thing or what?" he huffed.

"Fine." I sighed reaching into my hair for a bobby pin. I struggled for a minute before the cuff finally unlocked. "There." I huffed as I stood up and handed him some water. He took it quickly and drank it. "You're welcome." I said under my breath.

Merle took a step back as I pulling my backpack over my shoulders. "You sure did grow up fine girly." Merle winked at me. "What do you say you and me get off this roof and go bump some uglies." He sai taking a step toward me.

"Not if you were the last person on the earth." I said pushing away and as I walked around him he grabbed my arm. "Let go of me." I said.

"That's no way to treat an ol' friend little lady." he laughed. "Now..." He said pulling my arm and making me crash into him.

"Let go of me." I said and before he had a chance to touch me again I punched him in the face. He stumbled back and swore a few times.

"Well now you just gone and blew you're chances of stay with me, you lil' bitch!" He yelled and backhanded me. I smiled and quickly threw my knife at him. It stuck to his shoulder and he called out in pain.

"Always the charmer." I said with the taste of blood in my mouth. "I wouldn't go with you even if my life depended on it." I sighed.

"Good." Merle barked and before I could move he threw a punch and all I remember is hitting the ground. I could feel him take my bag, spit, and run away. I wanted to get up and go after him but my head was ringing and pounding. Well that's what I get for helping a Dixon. Note to self: next time you see Merle, do more than just stab him.


End file.
